Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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