I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I forgot wine drunk hurts
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
