i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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