Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize