He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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