i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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