I think scott just propositioned me for sex
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
