11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
