I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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