Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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