She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
