Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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