Buhtt sex?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
