just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize