I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
