the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
