Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I think my nap took me to another dimension
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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