Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
