I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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