after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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