he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
