I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize