I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
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