the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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