You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
