Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Barsexuality is the new black.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
