you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
