he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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