shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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