you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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