I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
