my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
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