she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
