i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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