Banned from zoo.
Again?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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