i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
