i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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