You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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