She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
