It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
