She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
