it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
