We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We left an ass print on the piano.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I got inside last night via doggy door
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
