brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
