Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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