I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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