I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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