I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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