the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
What did we do last night that was yellow?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
