who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
he thought i was a dude.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
