Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
