I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
