burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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