i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
