I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
