Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
