last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
