Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
