Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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