After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
