Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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