My hair reeks of homosexuality.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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