Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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