is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
