I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
