Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
