I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
