Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
