Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
