btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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