she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
