things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize