I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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