I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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