Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
