You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he puts the penis in happiness.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
