Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
