Cold hands, warm shart.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
