you will always have a special place in my vag
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
