Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
