I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize