i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
