Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
