so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
