pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
