She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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