My nipple is on Facebook.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
