You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
