What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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