my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
