dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
