mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
