You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize