Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
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