You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
