It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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