just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
