chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
