oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize