everyone is single if you try hard enough
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
