Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
